Tree Surfing

As I’ve mentioned before there is a war waging as we speak. It is not the war on terror, the war on drugs, nor the war of Shampoo verses Conditioner. This war goes back to the beginnings of recorded time. The War on Morons. One of the greatest rules that should be followed in any good war is “Know Thy Enemy.” Let’s define our enemies so we may clearly understand how to weaken and destroy them.

Knowledge of the Enemy
A moron is a very foolish and stupid person, not because of a lack of knowledge, but because of an utter refusal to learn and reason. The lack of knowledge means one is ignorant. The arrogant refusal to admit that another’s opinion may be right, and the refusal to adjust one’s own beliefs accordingly makes someone a moron.

To further put this in perspective, the dictionary also lists and older, and now outdated use of the world moron. “A retarded person mentally equal to a child between eight and twelve years old.” This is not the age of all morons but a indication of how they act. Children in the upper stages of middle school have a tendency to be quite hostile to one another. This is also a defining characteristic of the majority of morons. Rude, insulting, and holding no respect or regard for the opinions of others, especially if they hold differing opinions.

In this age the moron’s blatant incompetence has a wider reach than in earlier eras. The dawn of the internet age has presented these people a tool to sow their stupidity far from where they live. This medium is the Internet Forum. Originally created for open discussion and presentation of different topics, it’s good intentions have fallen victim to the guile of the morons. Granted this degradation cannot be solely blamed on the moron. Their vices exist in each and every one of us and we hold some responsibility in these events as well.

There are dark forces in the world and they continually effect everything around us. It’s hard to imagine a creature more deplorable than the moron, but they do exist and they are called trolls. Like the creatures from fantasy trolls are ugly, disfigured creatures whose sole purpose is to spread chaos and hatred everywhere they tread. There is no known method to convert trolls back into their original human form. Total destruction is the only effective cure.

“It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man by argument.”
~ William G. McAdoo

The Bloody Battles
Any rational human would think that one could simply talk the morons down. With a demonstration of superior reasoning and intelligence one would assume the morons would admit their errors and either adjust their arguments or simply bow out of the conversation. However if you’ve ever participated in any number of internet forums or message boards you know that the morons of the world are impervious to all forms of logic, reasoning, and most importantly common sense.

It seems that the only dependable results come from using their own weapons against them, namely insults, name calling, and bitter disrespect towards those with differing views. However, by simply stooping to the morons level without sufficient support you drop from illustrious intellectual to arrogant ass in no time flat. (Holy Alliteration Batman!)

While a united group can successfully blast any moron off of a forum, this rarely is a long term solution. True the individual may be gone from your presence but he still lurks in the background, more bitter, more resentful, and deeper set into his path as a moron. Also you risk turning into something as bad if not worse than a moron. An arrogant, mean, opinionated jerk. You must always consider the possibility, however slight that the moron may have some valid point in their ranting’s. By simply assaulting their opinion you are no better than the moron. Any subject that sends you into a blind rage could also indicate your own moronic status. It’s never pleasant to attack another’s statement only to find out later that they were in the right and you were the misguided moron.

To simplify things even further think from the point of view of an objective outside observer who knows nothing about the topic you and the moron are battling over. If both you and the moron have resorted to insults, and slander the outside observer, knowing nothing else would not be able to tell which of you was the real moron.

It is also important to remember, just because someone is a moron that does not automatically make them wrong. And just because you may not act in a moronic fashion does not make you right.

**Note: For Trolls abandon all hopes of reeducation and start a campaign of total annihilation.

Achieving Total Victory
How then are we to proceed? What are our weapons? There are several things missing in these battles/conversations that could turn the tide. Respect, Patience and Tact. Moronic traits exist in all of us, and we must fight to keep those traits under control.

By showing respect, and having a kind gentle manner you too can tame all but the largest moronic beast. Like gentle music soothes so too can respectful discussion open up the morons hard outer shell and make them more readily accept differing views.

Patience is needed to stave off the moron inside ourselves that longs to leap at the throat of the insulting person. Don’t forget that the anonymity of the internet leads can lead to a sense of lack of consequences.

Tact is related to Respect and Patience in that it is the least offensive way to say something. Not that we should strive to never offend, but some people, namely morons, are extremely sensitive and can misinterpret even the best intentions as a personal attack.

However when all else fails, forget everything else and just bombard the moron (aka evil troll) with logic, followed by a barrage of clever insults and use your administrative power to banish them to the dark depths of the internet (or another suitable hellish plain of existence).

Moronic traits exist in all of us, and we must fight to keep those traits under control. We must also fight to destroy, or at least tame these traits in others. I will update this page as I come across better explanations and tactics in the future. Your suggestions are welcome.